Can I Mix Ashes of Two Loved Ones? Emotional & Legal Insights

When deciding what to do with a loved one’s ashes, one question that many people have is about the possibility of mixing ashes. Mixing ashes is a common request that we receive when making jewellery.

Perhaps your parents have died in close succession, or the death of your second parent has prompted you to investigate memorial jewellery, and you’d like to include ashes from both parents.

Before mixing the ashes, there may be some legal and emotional aspects to consider. What to do with the ashes of a loved one is a common cause of conflict among families, so it’s something you need to consider before moving forward. If you plan to travel to scatter the ashes, this can also lead to further legal complications. These are all the things you need to consider before mixing the ashes of two loved ones.

Why mix the ashes?

Families might have lots of different reasons for wanting to mix the ashes. The most common reason would be to reunite two people who spent their lives together. This could mean bringing together married couples after their death, or reuniting a child with a parent.

This is a touching tribute to those who have left us, but it’s important to remember that any memorial tribute is for the benefit of the living. It needs to be something that the whole family is on board with before moving forward.

Conflicts following funerals are common as families will often clash over how to handle the remains. If no instructions were left, it’s down to the remaining family members to decide what to do, and this could lead to difficult conversations in which everyone believes they are doing what is right.

What to do if there is a disagreement

If you are in disagreement about what to do with the ashes, it’s best to do nothing in the meantime. The first thing to do is to check the will. If the deceased specifically requested that their ashes be combined, then the right thing to do would be to honour their wishes. Without any such instructions, it’s a good idea to allow the initial grief of their passing to subside before addressing the topic.

After some time has passed and everyone has had a chance to process their grief, you can revisit the topic and state your case for mixing the ashes. If you want to be heard, then it’s important to listen to the opposing arguments. This should help you to reach an agreement or a compromise on what to do with the ashes.

Another common source of disagreement happens when the marriage story isn’t as linear. For example, if you have half siblings, they might disagree with the ashes being combined with someone who isn’t their parent. In this case, you might be fighting an uphill battle to combine the ashes.

How to find compromise

If you are adamant that the ashes should be combined, then you might want to compromise by creating a piece of memorial jewellery combining the ashes of both loved ones. The main ashes can then be kept separate. This will bring you a sense of comfort that you have carried out your loved one’s wishes, without risking upsetting others.

If you plan to bury or scatter the ashes, there’s also a case for doing this together, provided everyone who is important to the deceased is able to attend. In blended families, this could mean extending the memorial to a wider circle of people and sharing in your grief.

Again, it’s important to remember that the memorial process is about the living, not the dead. If you are coming up against resistance, bear in mind that this might be a manifestation of their grief, and not a true reflection of their beliefs.

Travelling with mixed ashes

If you are planning to travel with the ashes, combining them might complicate matters. You’ll need to travel with death certificates and cremation certificates for both, and if the ashes are combined, this could raise some questions.

If airport security cannot say with confidence that they know what is contained in the urn, they might be reluctant to let you through. For this reason, you might want to avoid mixing ashes until you arrive at the place you plan to bury or scatter them.

From a legal perspective, there is no argument against mixing the ashes, unless you plan to travel somewhere that would require you to provide proof of the contents of the urn. Another legal objection could come in the form of disputes from surviving relatives about what to do with the ashes.

There is no rush when it comes to scattering the ashes, so you can afford to give it some time for the grief to pass so you can have a rational conversation with your loved ones about what everyone would like to do.