Grieving the Loss of a Sibling: Coping Tips and Support

Losing a sibling can be emotionally devastating. Even those who have grown apart later in life will feel the effects of this loss. A sibling is someone you have known your whole life. You shared your early years together. You expect to grow old with this person still in your life, so when their time is cut short, it can push your life into disarray.

If you were particularly close to your sibling, this loss could turn your world upside down, and you might find that you struggle to find sense in the loss. There are lots of resources for support available, but you’ll only be able to make the most of them when you are ready. No one can carry you through grief, and you’ll have to find your own way.

While your grief might feel like it will never leave you, the sense of loss will lessen over time, and you will find yourself changed by the experience. So while you might never get over the loss of a sibling, you will get through it. Here are our tips for coping with the loss of a sibling and finding support.

Grief explained

Grief is a difficult emotional state, as it is completely different for every person. If it was the same, then we could find a way to cure it, or to make it easier. But since it is a complex collection of emotions that come in waves of intensity, it’s hard to say with confidence that there is a single path through grief.

Grief can change you forever, and without the right coping strategies in place, you might feel trapped in this state, unable to move forward with your life. When this happens, you need to think about professional help. Your life might never be the same without your sibling, but you can certainly learn to rebuild it.

Coping with the loss of a sibling

When dealing with the loss of a sibling, you will also have the grief of your wider family to contend with. This could mean supporting your parents with the loss of their child. You might feel responsible for supporting your sibling’s partner and their children. And then your own children will also be grieving the loss of a beloved auntie or uncle.

This is a lot of emotions that you have to cope with, and this is on top of your own feelings. The important thing to remember is that you aren’t responsible for taking care of anyone else (except your own children). While you might be able to help in small ways, you don’t have to shoulder everyone’s grief.

Talk about your loss

Bottling up your feelings won’t make them go away. Some people choose to put everyone else first and go into carer mode, protecting everyone around them. This gives them the perfect place to hide their emotions and their grief.

This will inevitably backfire, as you’ll have to deal with your emotions eventually. And bottled-up emotions have a tendency to reemerge in unexpected ways. By talking about your loss and giving yourself the space to feel your feelings, you can put yourself on the right track for healing.

Remember that the worst thing that could happen has already happened, so talking about it can’t make it any worse. It might make you confront your feelings, but it can’t make the situation any worse.

This is why it’s important to be able to talk about your loss with someone. If no one in your immediate family is ready for this, talk to your friends or even think about professional talking therapy.

Be kind to yourself

There isn’t a timetable for grief. And you don’t have to be “over it” on a specific schedule. While other people in your life might appear to be getting on with things much faster, you don’t have to keep up with their pace.

Assume that you have no idea what is going on in their internal world, and allow them to handle it in their own way. They might be struggling in ways you cannot see, and making a lot of effort to put on a brave face. While this might work for some, you don’t have to do this.

You are your own person, and you deserve to treat yourself with grace and kindness during this difficult time. Give yourself the space to grieve your loss and do whatever makes sense to you at the time. If this means taking more time for yourself than usual, then don’t be afraid to be a little selfish.

Get professional help

There is nothing wrong with saying that you need an expert’s guidance to help you through your grief. Seeking professional help is not only advisable, it is often recommended when dealing with something as complex as the death of a sibling. The death of a sibling can bring about lots of complex feelings about your own mortality, and you may benefit from having a safe space to be able to explore these feelings.

Another benefit of professional help is that it can ease the pressure on other relationships in your life. You won’t lean on your friends and family for intense emotional support, so you’ll be able to focus on building strong memories with them, rather than always feeling like you want to talk about your feelings.

Final thoughts on coping with the death of a sibling

Sadly, there is no guidebook for dealing with the loss of a sibling. How you cope with this life-changing event will all depend on how close you were, if you had a strong relationship, and if the death was expected or sudden.

The important thing is to make sure you give yourself the time to feel your feelings. You don’t have to be the savior who takes care of everyone else. You can afford to be a little bit selfish and give yourself the time and the space to move through the stages of grief at your own pace.